Story of a little ordinary bikini

Before going on holidays ,I bought a new bikini.

I have been quite proud of my purchase as it is a really nice one,(a bit hippyish style with fancy adornments)  and most importantly it was on sale.
Well ,to tell the true ,it was not an expensive piece at full prize either, but ,the fact that was on sale erased any sense of guilt for buying “an other bikini “.

Just to clarify, I never feel guilty when I buy shoes or bags ,but a bikini is an other thing.
I already have enough of them to interchange them for those few weeks I go to the beach, plus it’s a type of purchase that doesn’t really give me pleasure and obviously this have nothing to do with the fact that I am woman who likes cheese(translated I am curvy).
May be the sense guilt comes from the fact that I keep buying them with the hope that the next one is always the one who fit well……or,to be precise, the one I fit well in.
Except I know already it doesn’t!

Anyway ,back to the point of my story,we decide to go to a water park and I am wearing my new bikini.
We are queuing to go to one of the water slides and there I see it: there is woman wearing my exact bikini ……….and she is not a woman who likes cheese!!!

Now, how high can be the chance to queue,in a waterpark off a small sea town in north of Italy, side by side with someone wearing my same Tesco bikini ?????

Everyday inspirations:midsummer fireworks

Since I was a child, in my hometown ,the main event of the summer are the fireworks made on the 15th of August.
I remember my mom bringing me to beach to watch them and, some times, we also had a midnight swim after the show.

At the time fireworks were something absolutely amazing; an act of magic!

Gradually ,over time,they lost their power to fascinate: they went from being a fascinating magical event to be boring or, worst ,to be too popular for a society busy to elevate itself .
A society entrapped in its own snobbery.

This year ,for the first time in a long time,we are still here on holidays on the day of the fireworks and we decided to go and watch them .
Most of our old friends are just too busy for joining in but ,also ,couldn’t care less.
“Fireworks are for tourists who doesn’t know better and don’t mind the crowd on the beach………”, they say .
Fireworks are nothing special anymore!
Except for us tacky tourist of course! So off we go.

We leave the house around 9.30(fireworks are supposed to start around 10.30)
so that we can have a stroll on the beach before.

All along the beach there is a promenade overlooked by hotels and apartments block.
The scene we are presented with is completely unexpected.
Every hotel terrace has musical bands and the guests are busy dancing and laughing .
Most of the apartment are empty as the inhabitants are all outside:
they joint the dinner tables all together and are outside drinking and eating,celebrating and waiting together for the show to start.

For one night ” the Bon Ton” is forgotten,there is no expensive sandals but only bare foots; elegant restaurants are replaced by plastic garden tables; posh buffets and exotic cocktails left their place to BBQs and local wine.

The atmosphere is amazing.
There is a contagious feeling of lightheartedness.
It is like to go back in time and I am glad my girls could experience all this.

Every kids should grow thinking “fireworks” are an act of magic .
Every adults should never forget ” fireworks” are the touch of magic in our lives.

Real Friends don’t judge

I have been thinking about friendship a lot recently.
I met a lot of new people and I am not sure how to categorise them: acquaintances or friends?
Sometimes the line dividing the two categories is clear but some other times is not and,unfortunately, more then once I abused of the word “friend” and I got hurt.

Lately I found myself very close to someone and I am incline to call her a friend but, as time passes, I am starting to question the foundation of our “friendship”.
I like her and enjoy the time we spend together but I feel there is something missing and I feel I can’t let go myself as I would like to do with a so called friend.

I was talking to my cousin and I was telling her about some of my new “friends” when I realised that, very often, i link “friendship” to ” availability “.
On a superficial valuation this surely makes sense and looks right: in fact, what are friends for if not to be there when needed ?
Well ,indeed, real friends are always there when you need them but this is just a consequence of the friendship ‘s nature not its foundation.

The absence of judgement is ,instead, the foundation of true friendship:
That friendship that makes you always comfortable to be yourself ;
That friendship were you don’t compete and don’t compare with one an other;
That friendship that is at tracts nearly naive , because we are like kids that look at everything without malice .
That friendship where spontaneity in what we say ,do and feel leads the way.

Everyday inspirations: A letter to my old house

I am still on holidays .
It is early morning and I am on the balcony writing and checking emails,when I start thinking about my old house.

I didn’t think about it for a long time, in fact, I always being that type of person who ,once she takes a decision, doesn’t look back.
Past is past. I am quite good on drawing lines …….
(to speak the truth ,it is also a very good cope mechanism that keep my mental health steady ,but this is an other story.)

The thought of the house comes with a feeling of having left something unfinished.
I moved,I never looked back,I never gave an explanation.
In one sentence:I betrayed my house. My home of many years was discarded with no mercy.

I then decided to write a letter: A letter to my old house.

“Dear old house,
4 years passed since we moved and only now I realised how unfair I have been with you.
Once you were not serving the purpose anymore, we traded you with a new one,a bigger one,a closer one to where we needed to be.
The move didn’t go as smoothly and fast as I hoped so i became impatient to leave,unhappy to stay.
You had nothing to offer anymore and ,may be ,it was true ,but didn’t give me right to forget everything you gave already.
It was not an excuse for being ungrateful .
I forgot the emotions you gave us the first night we slept there,10 years previously ,with no furnitures but as happy as ever. Toasting with champagne sitting on the kitchen floor.
I forgot the feeling when we brought home ,to you ,our first child.

I was so busy organising the move and so excited to move that I never stopped a minute thinking about how you helped building my family,my life .
My family was born inside your walls.
My life, as I know it now, started inside your walls.

I can smell the odours linked to every single memory you witnessed.
I feel a sudden pain in my stomach ,I mistreated you so badly, I need to do something.
I need to make amend.
I need to apologise. I own you that ,because I left and never thank you for all the happiness you gave me and my family.

Dear old house, you were our first home,the place were everything started,and no other house(no matter how bigger or newer) will never be able to replace you in my heart .You will always have a special place in my memories,in our memories.

Hope you will find the way to forgive me,
With love
Your old owner.”

One day inspirations: the daily quote

“Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you’ll start to see a big difference in your life.”
Yoko Ono.

A long time ago my dear friend Abigail asked me why I was never smiling in the pictures.
At first I didn’t understand what she meant because I was actually smiling ,so she said :”you need to show your teeth to really smile”!
I told her that I never did because of my “vampire tooth “,(so called by my daughters).
Basically my left canine is quite pronounced,a kind of family signature,and I have always been very aware of it.
Honestly it can be very anti aesthetic.

So once I gave her my explanation she looked at me and just spat on my face hat it was all bullshitt (can I say that?.?..): I had a beautiful contagious smile and must show it.

This was the start of long series of pictures where I smile and I laugh,open mouth.
Since then I always smile and laugh showing my teeth and my pictures are much better.I might not be the most photogenic subject but I look happy and that makes me feel happy.

It is funny how laughing and smiling is now one of the most characteristic tracts of my personality.
I became more extroverted and all started from an imposed smile…….that slowly grew inside me!!!

This is why when I saw the above quote from Yoko Ono,I thought :”that is damned true!!! And worth a try…”…….and so I did.
Well, first few days ,you feel a bit dull and it is not really the most natural thing to do first thing in the morning ,but as days pass ,that smile that is reflected back to you is comforting and starts talking to you.
It is a smile that gives you peace.
A smile that becomes a state of mind.
A smile that reminds you every morning how lucky you are.
A smile that reminds you every morning that there is always a reason to smile in your life,no matter what.
A smile that ,even in the worst days, will tell you ,you can make it through.You are strong enough .

Thank you Abigail and Yoko Ono.

Everyday inspirations: a space and a time to write

I am not sure I really have writing habits,yet.
All day long I take mentally notes about what I feel and what I do but only in the morning I sit down at the desk in our home office and write.
A nice hot cup of coffee to keep me going and my dogs snoring at my feet to keep me company.
I like this little room ,it’s cosy and warm .It s a room to work,to produce.
Sometimes ,unfortunately,the time during the day is very tight so I write in the evening ,in bed.This is a setting that I particularly enjoy because it brings me totally out of reality.
My bedroom has always been my space,the only room in the house to be only mine ,(and my husband of course).No kids allowed.
Despite the fact I am tired, I noticed that when I start writing in the evening I completely loose track of time and sometime I keep going until my eyes shut defeated by tiredness .

Just an evening thought

The girls had their dinner early tonight so myself and my husband had ours late on the balcony ,eventually enjoying some fresh air after days of torrid weather.
We finished now and he went inside to watch some television.
I am still here browsing around on my iPad.
No! actually, I am checking my blog ,still disappointed by its low success rate,but then I say to myself that it's only early days,plus I admit it myself my writing skills are a bit rusty and so is my capacity of open up.
But I am happy I started it, I am happy I am writing again.
It might not be that much interesting to others but this blog is good to me. I need to keep it up.
I need to keep it running ,because when it is all there ,written down ,everything seems better ,easier : my brain is busy,my mind is distracted ,my soul is at peace.