A Truly Madly Ordinary Kitchen Knives’ Tale

Today I eventually woke up for the first time with no headache. It looks like my migraine is gone,just in time for the party we have tonight. It is a fancy dress party and I am now regretting not to attend it dressed as a zombie. After I have spent the last three days in a semi-comatose state, locked inside my house in the dark, I could in fact just show up with my bare naturally greenish face and be as scary as hell.

Even if the headache is gone, a few days on heavy painkiller left me a bit numb.Breaking all my records I managed to injure three of my fingers at once. I went to the garden to get some flowers and a humungous rose’ thorn got stack into my right index. Once inside and on my way to remove it I stopped by the bin and pressing down the rubbish I sliced two other fingers on the lid of a can I had just opened.
Three plasters later the cuts were still bleeding heavily, the thorn was forgotten and now totally disappeared under my skin.

When we got together, the traveling husband was not told since the beginning what he was bargaining for, until the first time he saw me slicing a cucumber and my fingers without making a sound until the chopping board changed its color from white to red.In that occasion he discovered that the tip of my left index has no sensitivity left after I chopped off all the nerves,along with the finger,and doctors had to surgically stitch it back to the rest of the hand. Thankfully love won over the fact that his wife not only has a problem with kitchen knives but she also needs to be told when she cut herself on some particular fingers in order to avoid her to bleed out.

Years after years and cut after cut the traveling husband’ s training as a surgical nurse when he was in the army, came very handy and after that one time I severed an artery on the palm of my hand, he also learned how to categorize my injuries: if the blood squirts everywhere for over two hours,that is the benchmark that the matter can’t be resolved at home, a drive to the hospital is required.

Twenty years with a woman who slices her fingers most of the times she uses a kitchen knife, did teach the travelling husband much better than panic coming home to find blood traces around the house, and so when Saturday he came home and saw the trail of blood on the stairs, he simply called: “Is it squirting ?”. “No just dripping”, I called back and I heard him throwing the car’ s key back in the bowl and turning the tv on.

I might not have needed to go to the hospital, but I was extremely uncomfortable: the rose’s thorn went more in-depth, and because I am too much of a sissy to go deep in with a needle I just decided to leave it there and simply covering it with a bandage so that it won’t hurt at the touch . In the meanwhile, the plasters wrapped around the other two fingers were not sticking because I kept wetting them and as a results everything I was touching it was stained in blood.The only plausible solution I could think of was covering the plasters with waterproof sellotape for parcels.
I know, utterly bizarre but it worked.I stopped dripping blood everywhere and rigorously using only two fingers of my right hand I also managed to dress up and more or less successfully spread vampires and witches make up on me and my gang.

At the end my persistence was rewarded and right in time for the party I could remove in total safety the plasters and use my fingers to hold my glass:four fingers because the thorn is still there………..a problem for tomorrow,when I will hopefully be braver and use that needle .



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81 replies

  1. Ugh! You get migraines? I’m sorry for you! They are terrible!
    Gosh, what an interesting post this is! You make me want to get rid of all of my knives!
    I am so glad you have lived to tell your tales 😊

    Liked by 3 people

  2. If that is your Halloween picture, you look amazing–like a gorgeous Time Warp Dancer (because of the cute hat) from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hope your fingers are doing better and the evil thorn is removed. You, with knives in the kitchen, sound like Halloween horror film in the making. Sorry to hear about the migraines.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fingers cut are still quite dire and must confess the thorn is still there….I might need my husband nursing skill for thst😱but migraine is gone and my mood is back to it bubbly self😉
      P.s
      I love the hat too,2 euros at the pound shop😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • If you see pus around the thorn, get the traveling nursing husband to extract as soon as possible. The more infected it becomes, the more painful it will be. (May require some medicinal wine at the very least.)

        Liked by 2 people

      • I might fake the infection just for your suggested medicine tnougj😂🍷
        Jokes apart tonight I have to do something about because it’s sore and finger is swelling😳I’ll keep you posted😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I suffer from both migraines and cluster headaches. I truly sympathise, they’re awful. I’m glad your better! Do you take any prescribed migraine meds? There are some great ones

    Liked by 2 people

  4. And I thought I was accident prone, I’m glad you are recovering nicely!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved this real life Halloween story. Please, stay away from knives. 😎🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Definitely a week to forget Eh?
    Please do all your readers a favor and get that prickly thorn out your finger as soon as possible Ortensia. It may clog your nerves and complicate the whole process 😒😒.
    On a side note, you look great all ready for that party of yours. I hope your finger didn’t stop you from having fun. I see you’re getting in the spirit of Halloween 😄.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Is Halloween different in Ireland?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ouch! Migraines could be a sign of bigger problems. Look into it girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Georgie,unfortunately migraines is something I live with since my early twenties when I have been diagnosed with chronic migraines.i have prescriptions pills for when they are really bad but this time it felt like my neck was involved too……the Joey of aging 😬

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh no ! BLOOD ! *faint* 😉 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My sister always used to say not to worry about splinters – surely a thorn is a big splinter? The soft tissue would recognise the foreign body and become a little bit septic and because the wound would then have softer flesh around it you could push out the splinter swiftly with a credit card! Hope it heals quickly 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Sharp post! You gave a nice slice of life here. You really cut it to the core.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Understand. Not being sensitive to pain is an advantage I also share. But potentially bleeding to death can ruin your whole day

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Sherlock Holmes: A vampiress who squirts blood.

    A most intriguing phenomenon, Watson.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I am glad you are recovering nicely.. You are one brave woman!❤

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Savlon is very good to put on thorns, it will help it come out.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. What’s a Halloween party without blood? Marvelous getup!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Now that’s a bloody start to the Halloween festivities!

    Oh, by the way – thank you for following The Monching’s Guide! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ouch, ouch, ouch Ortensia. you sound like a lioness with a thorn in your paw, and I’m sure it’s sore. And I’m always cutting myself too, I’ve a couple of numb and dumb fingers too, so I’m truly sympathizing with you. I’m so glad your headache/migraine has dissipated, it’s an awful pain, I know, I wake up with a headache everyday, from my neuralgia pain. Stay well my friend, and avoid those knife fights….. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Yikes ! I stabbed my hand once and thought I had stopped the bleeding, but it broke open later and I ended up getting 9 stitches

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Now that sounds like it would be a problem! You don’t watch while you chop?? 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I’m a headache sufferer, but I haven’t had a severe migraine in 2.5 years since I started taking MSM. You can get it at any natural health food store. I take three per day, with food. I used to have migraines that lasted 8 hours with vomiting.
    https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/msm-methylsulfonylmethane-uses-and-risks#1

    Liked by 1 person

  22. That sounds horrid! You poor thing. I hope your fingers are feeling better and you are staying away from knives and trash bins! Sending healing hugs! 🤗 ❤️ 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  23. You had quite the week! Certainly glad your migraine decided to leave before the party. Your fingers…ouch! Glad that there was no squirting 💗🎃

    Like

  24. Reblogged this on IdeasBecomeWords and commented:
    Oh, how delightful to be sipping my
    first cup of tea and to be giggling,
    then laughing out loud at this wonderful
    post by my friend over in Ireland.
    Ortensia describes the Travelling Husband
    so well in all her posts, we get a great
    visual of the goings-on between
    the onion chopping board and the
    trips to the garden centre.
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  25. This was a great read .. sorry I found myself laughing at your cuts and bleeding, but you describe them all so well!
    I am happy that your migraine went (has it returned?) they are sods.
    Viola
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  26. You are one perfect zombie…you even don’t need to try or pretend 🙂 you should start to build an army 🙂 bite the first person you see now haha

    Liked by 1 person

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