A Tennis Match For The Paradise

Daughter number one and the traveling husband are getting ready to go play tennis and daughter number two decides to go along as well.I bet she goes more for the chance to wear her new outfit then for the love of tennis but,whatever her reasons are ,the fact that she is going leaves me being the only one missing….one more time!Two sets of pleading and disappointed eyes are looking at me.I am thinking at a reasonable excuse that has not been overused .I can’t say that I am tired and I want to rest and chill because I have just resuscitated from the most amazing afternoon nap ever.I don’t know you,but I believe that hot summer afternoons are particularly ideal for a nap,cuddled by the breeze that comes in from an ajar window:pure heaven!The best excuse I come up with is that it is too hot for me to play,and it wouldn’t even be entirely false if it was three in the afternoon.Being instead six in the evening,at my words an other set of eyes joined in disbelief :”Seriously you couldn’t come up with anything better?Born and raise in Italy it is too hot to play tennis in Ireland?”.
As soon they leave the house I am starting to feel guilty and even more guilty for the fact that I don’t actually feel guilty to not want to play tennis with my gang but more for the fact that I should be out there moving my ass considering all the wine and cheese I managed to shovel down my throats over the long weekend.I am supposed to fit into that evil invention called bikini in a month and all the odds are conjuring against me but,I am determined to fight back. In a flash I am changed and I am riding my bike to the tennis court.Father and daughters are genuinely and pleasantly surprise to see me.The most happy seems to be daughter number two who,like the mother,she is notoriously not competitive and not really athletic either.When I arrived the poor thing is caught in the middle between her sister and her father lecturing her about the basics of tennis when not busy trying to trick each other in order to win the game.

This tennis court is tarmac and my cracked knees find particularly hard to hold on.Over the years I did fall an impressive number of times and few of them with some serious injuries.Eventually ,last summer,I changed club and switch to one with artificial grass.This is in part the reason I usually don’t come play with them here.An other reason is because I really value to stay at home on my own.Last but not least,I secretly hate playing against the traveling husband.He plays much better then me,thing that saves me from being picked as partner for tournaments and that it is not too bad but,the main problem,is that he is left-handed and consequently mainly serves me ball on that side.My backhand is really weak and playing with him it is a torture.I spend most of the time on court twisting and contorting in order to manage to hit the ball back with my forehand.The movements and the efforts I do to avoid using my backhand always generate in my opponent an annoying and patronizing look.In me, instead,they generate the assumption that, If the times would get hard, I have an open career in the circus as a contortionist.

After two hours we all have enough. The travelling husband is lobster red on the back of his neck;daughter number one is satisfied because she won;daughter number two showed off enough the new outfit and she is starving;me,I am happy enough convinced that not only I lost some calories but I also gained a couple of position in the queue to paradise.I mean,what I just did was nothing but the purest sacrifice of a pious and considerate mother and wife.

Unfortunately, once at home,those few positioned I so hardly gained,are destined to be lost when I unleash my swearing mouth at the sight of dog’s diarrhea on the white rug in the kitchen. Why they never dirt on the bare floor will always be a mystery. It happened the previous night too,just not on the white rug in the kitchen but on the white carpet of my bedroom that,thankfully,can be washed with bleach.

While I’m busy cleaning,the traveling husband offers to feed the dogs that,having properly cleansed themselves,are evidently hungry.He came out the laundry room with their bowl and showed them to me with a self pleased expression:”See:less food ,less poo”.The amount of food was scarse but I honestly couldn’t argue with that.I actually get his logic,I really do.The problem is that if the previous night I barely slept because busy cleaning dogs ‘shit;this coming night I will probably barely sleep terrified that those three starving dogs decide to have a midnight snack with their owners.

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  1. Wonderful post! I enjoyed reading. Us three have been trying to teach ourselves tennis. Lol when you say contortion that is an understatement. Lol I’ve been in positions I didn’t know I had. I have fallen many times.. it’s a sight to see. On another note, I have started enjoying time to myself also. Afternoon naps are of heaven. Lol Great write!:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you dear and if only we could have more of those afternoon nap😉but may be if it happens too often then they wouldn’t be so much appreciated 💁🏻‍♀️im glad I’m not the only contorsi g on the court😂I started to play with four other women who are all but athletic and competitive and eventually I am enjoying it😜

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  2. I took tennis in high school and while I loved it, my gym teacher gave up on teaching me the proper methods of swinging, or whatever it’s called. She just threw her hands up in the air! Lol. I just wasn’t teachable. As for dogs pooping on a white carpet…holy moly. I don’t envy that clean up! I have cats that puke up hairballs anywhere and everywhere they have the urge… Thankfully, we have darker colored carpets. 😉

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  3. Staying at home by yourself is pure bliss. Glad you were able to go and contortion yourself to play some tennis. I can totally relate. I can also relate to the doggy mess. Lovely little dears always choose to have accidents on the things hardest to clean. I have scrubbed and bleached my share of whites too. 💟 But we love them like our kids!

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  4. Haha this was such an entertaining read, Ortensia.
    And I’m sorry if it’s not what you intended, but I was cracking up visualizing the tennis match, and the dog poo. Although, I was sad about the loss of the nap, the carpet, and your sleep the night before.

    I hope you get some rest! Oh, and I’m left handed, too! We’re evil in sports lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I had to laugh at reference to your dogs’ eating habits because in the vampire novel chapter I wrote tonight, I make reference to one of your dogs’ eating habits.

    And actually diarrhea would be the least of his problems. 😂🤣

    Talk about synchronicity at work. 😀

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  6. I’m half Egyptian and also get curious looks when I complain that it’s too hot outside! 😂 And i already get a tennis elbow just by reading about it – no need to do the actual thing 😉.
    Those damn bikinis, right? I’m also still battling with my winter pounds though luckily it being so hot around here actually helps because all I want to eat are fruits or salads. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    • Half Egyptian,wow.you have the blood of the most advance culture in the world since the army days and I suppose a lovely skin too.
      What can I say may be it’s because I come from north of Italy or may be it is just me but I don’t like heat and I don’t like swimmingsuit🙄😜

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  7. Summer afternoon naps are the best thing ever … then I wake up all wrapped in foggy vision and unable to make a move just like in a nightmare but those very first seconds are just like heaven…
    🤪

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  8. How I wish I could be a World Champion in Lawn Tennis. I was a champion in Table Tennis. Yet, I was never opportune to hold a Tennis racket. Maybe my pet would have provided an escort to a World Championship.

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