Who is following the blog for a while knows that last year, what we thought was a post-Halloween party hangover, was instead a burst perforated appendix that brought the travelling husband undergoing an emergency surgery .Because the appendix was not just burst but also perforated a piece of colon had to be removed and that is why,six months later,he needs a routine colonoscopy.He is one hundred percent fine and also regained all that extra weight he was so delighted to have lost,(A woman would never be so naive to think her ideal weight would come and stay so easy) but, by the law,his post surgery record can’t be filed until this last exam is done.
Friday is the day of the procedure. I have to go with him because he will be given some sedation and forbidden to drive. The hospital where we are going is not the same hospital where he had surgery, and it will take over an hour driving to get there.
At 8.30 sharp we drop the girls in school, never happened in seven years of primary, and we go straight to the hospital.
He is checked in, and we are both escorted to a cubicle where we have to wait for the nurse. The nurse doesn’t delay to arrive; she is quite old and with a very hoarse voice. After she checked that all the personal details are correct, she starts to explain what is next. I am a bit confused when she says he will be sprayed some anaesthetic in his throat and then inserted a little tube with a camera in his belly. Now, I am not a doctor, but I have some basics about human anatomy and medical procedure and what she just described is not a colonoscopy. I look at the travelling husband who is now checking emails and had no listened to one single word she said. I suppose he felt to have already socialised enough for the day after answering all those personal questions. At this point I have two choices:letting him go and have an unnecessary endoscopy or intervene and explain the nurse there must be a mistake. Because I am a charitable soul and an even more caring wife, I dare to interrupt the nurse’s speech to say he is actually supposed to do a colonoscopy and not an endoscopy.
At the sound of my voice the husband regains conscience and promptly jumps into the conversation with a nearly outrage tone.The nurse looks at us like we were half aliens and half idiots and says to him:”oh, don’t worry pet, you can do that as well, after”.
I show her the referral letter clearly stating which is the one and only procedure that must be done today.She seems convinced and leaves us to go and talk to the doctor.When she comes back,she says everything is ok and sorted and the doctor will be with us any minute.
The doctor explains once again what is going to happen and very compassionately reassures the travelling husband :”don’t worry if we don’t find anything with the colonoscopy we will do straight away an endoscopy and figure it out what is wrong”.We look at each other both thinking this whole situation is insane. I can see the travelling husband is getting annoyed and with a tone that doesn’t hide what he feels,he tells the doctor that there is nothing wrong with him and the only reason he is there it is for a routine check .
Every misunderstanding seems eventually to be cleared off. The husband is ready to go, and I am free to leave the promises and enjoy myself in town for a couple of hours.
“How nice”, I think.The weather is terrific, a proper summer day, and I have never been in Monaghan town:I can pretend I am a tourist. The hospital is walking distance from the city centre, and so I go. Lucky me,Friday is farmers’ market day and I let myself be tempted by some blackcurrant jam.As usual I have no cash with me but,determined to not let anything go in between me and some organic shopping, I go looking for an atm.
While browsing the street of Monaghan, I see a set of six crystal liquor glasses that are looking at me from a window of a little second-hand shop. I stop and look back at them, intensely, until they speak to me and ask to be bought .From the bottom of my hearth I can’t say no. The shop is one of those little treasure cave with a bit of everything inside. While the shop’ s lady is wrapping the glasses I see one of those colourful straw bag ideals for the beach or shopping. Another customer is looking at it too.I discretely move closer and closer until,from behind where my opponent is standing, I grab it first. These are the moments I am happy to have long legs and long arms.
Happy and satisfied for my bargains I feel extremely countryside posh carrying my new straw bag on my wrist, that it is also the only way not to squeeze the glasses that I managed to fit in it.Before going back to the hospital I decide to further treat myself and I go to a coffee shop I saw earlier.I order a skinny cappuccino to go,an exotic request that totally destabilizes the young lad at the till. Apparently in county Monaghan they call it low fat.With my coffee and my bag full of glasses and jam I sit on a bench.I let the sun caressing my face and I allow my thoughts wondering free wherever they want to go. Delightfully lost in my little world, I am brought back to reality by my phone that keeps receiving texts from the travelling husband:”Oh my”,” is he already done?”.No, and he won’t be for another 30 minutes, but they keep insisting he has the endoscopy too.
Seriously, this is the first time I see a hospital where they are eager to perform unnecessary procedures and for free. After a series of back and forth texts, he was eventually called in. Not more then ten minutes later he is done, and I can go back whenever I want.
Wow, that was quick! I walk back to the hospital, I hide my purchases in the boot of the car, and I go inside to the ward where I left him. He is still there and surprisingly in great form and not even the slightest drowsy. He explained to me that he refused the anaesthetic because it would have been a general rather than a local as everything was already set to perform both procedures on him.When he categorically refused it the doctor(a different from before),nearly as a threaten and with an evil grin on his face,told to him that anyway he would have had to go back if nothing would come up from this exam. At that point, the travelling husband didn’t even bother to say once again that it was precisely what was supposed to come up:nothing! because he was not there for some problem but only for a routine check.
In the end he was perfectly able to drive back home but, I am still glad I went or it would be someone else sipping Port from these little cute crystal glasses tonight.May be,it is really true that everything happens for a reason.