Early rise on Friday morning. 5.45am:cold,sleepy but happy we are singing Christmas song on the way to the airport for a long week end in Italy.
When it is just the three of us we stay at my parents place.To me is like going back in time and I like it…………….in moderation.Obviously there are complaints from the other grandmother.Not openly but in between the line.The battle of the grandmothers,with my daughter in the middle pulled from both side like Armstrong the stretching toy .I called myself out of this a while ago.After ten painful years of dealing with the mother in law I gave up.Enough is enough.My family is pretty engaging and complicated on its own, but very warm and welcoming too.Anyway,I have my hands full with it and don’t need to take in more.Her son,The traveling husband,has to start dealing with her.I proved my love enough keeping her out of his nerves for so many years.Years where the girls were going to her with some clothes openly criticized and coming back with new clothes because they spilled ice cream or juice on them.Except their clothes ,supposedly dirty,once out of the bag were perfectly clean.Just to make an example.Those years are gone ,now it is his turn.She is his mother,after all!This new arrangement really did good to our marriage.Since he has to deal with his own family himself,in fact,he clearly loves me and values me more.He sometimes tried to praise me with the agenda to get me back on the deal ,but it is not working.I am not going back to that road again.She,on the other end,appreciates me much more too.I am much softer and available then her son but ……sorry….too late.The “equilibrium “ is perfect as it is.I might do some dropping and brief official visit but that is it.I have no business dealing with the in laws .I am as neutral as Switzerland.
Reasoning as a grandmother herself my mother always found difficult to accept my position.She likes to be the privileged grandmother but she thinks it is unfair.Being the girls older and more independent made things much easier .They can say where and when they want to go and they can deal with their grannies themselves.Over summer holidays, the two grandmothers so became to share custody of their two only granddaughters.
Everything worked out until one started to ask more and more and more.I suppose I don’t need to specify which one.Nona,was still convinced she did the right thing to involve the other grandmother more in the girls life but ,she also started to be slightly jelous.She would never say it but it was quite obvious.And the battle of the grannies continues except,one of the two already won the war.A very clever 11years old explained her Nona that she will always be more special and unique because she is the maternal grandmother.I,could have married anybody and so the paternal grandmother could be anyone but,I would always be her mom ,consequently she would always be her grandmother.
As they say “mater semper certa est”…….and Nona is too.