Monday night was the night of the women moon circle workshop and I was really looking forward to it.
After enjoying the beach with minus three degree trying to share the dogs enthusiasm for a run in the freedom and on the frozen sand,I dedicated my morning to yoga and a big house cleaning.Big and badly needed after the entire week end of neglection and guests over.I was mention to some of my fellow bloggers that Monday I was planning a relaxing afternoon of ironing while watching an old episodes of Columbo.Relaxed by ironing!…It speaks by itself! That is also why I didn’t say a “relaxing” and “pleasant” afternoon.May be relaxing is not even the right word!Probably the right word would be “uneventful”.Yesss,that is exactly what I was planning:an uneventful afternoon.Checking by pure coincidence the calendar,I was dusting the bookshelf beside, I realised that Monday was actually supposed to be instead an eventful day.
I consider myself a quite organised person and I never forget to pin on my calendar my appointments, along with those one of the girls, being their chauffeur, and the husband’s ones, in order to remind him and not to clash with them. What I constantly forget,is to check the calendar….A forgetfulness that result in a long line of missed appointments and late last minutes runs here and there.
I did get to do my ironing at the end but the afternoon was far from being relaxing and uneventful.The ironing was done in slots between driving one of the dog to and from the groomer;in between explaining to the window guy, first on the phone how to get to the house,and then how I want my new back garden door.The schedule of the day turned to be tight,considering also that I had to feed the girls before going and make sure the travelling husband remembered to get home early.Thing, the last one,implying a phone call or a remind text every 30 minutes from 5pm on.
630pm,the traveling husband is on its way, perfectly on time.His dinner is in the oven,pretty much on time too.The girls are fed.The box lunches for tomorrow are ready and in the fridge.I just have to store away the pile of clean and freshly ironed laundry and get ready myself.
When I stepped into the shower I remember there was another thing scheduled for today:the plumber.
Probably the only one I would have happily allowed to make my day eventful.Since friday my shower is doing a very loud and angry noise, like it is exploding any minute soon.I don’t trust it.I turned it off and naked as I am I run to the girls’ bathroom to have my shower there.I never use that shower so none of my usual products are in there and sure I don’t want to wash myself with “my little pony”bath gel and smell strawberry and Big Bubble chewing gum for the rest of the evening.Naked as I am I run back to my bathroom and grab my shower gel and shampoo.Just for the record,it is wednesday and I am still,full of hope and faith, waiting for the plumber.
I am now stressed,late and in a hurry.I look outside and realised the lane is already covered in ice.
Did I mention that monday and tuesday we had an orange warning about temperature down to minus 8 degrees?It is probably nothing for canadians but for us, here in Ireland, it is pretty cold and pretty scary if you have to drive at night in the narrow unpaved country roads where lamps street have not been discovered yet .What would I do?I don’t want to sound like a “sissy” driver but my instinct is sending me warning of danger.An orange siren is echoing in my head.
I consult with my good neighbour,who is supposed to come with me.She is not going:too cold and too icy.I am very tired and the road is very icy.I rang the other friend who is actually facing the same dilemma.The main concern is coming back late at night driving in the pitch dark on an icy roads full of black spots.The traveling husband seems shocked that a bit of ice is stopping me.He says I will be alright and,after making me feel like a “precious”incompetent driver,he finally advises me to do whatever I feel.I feel lots of thing actually:I feel I let the organisers of the workshop down;I feel disappointed not to go because I am very curious to see how it is;I feel it is an avoidable risk.I strongly want to go but my gut says no to.Dilemma ,Dilemma.I reached the decision to not go.I know that if I go and something happens I will regret it. I will blame myself to not have trusted my instinct.
Being a fiery, passionate woman it took me a while to learn to count up to 10 before acting or talking .It took me a lot to learn not to act or speak on the verge of the moment.It came a long way but I learned to “suffocate” my impulse.The impulse but not the instinct. Too many times I went against my instinct because it was irrational and because it was suggesting something I didn’t really like.All the time I did it I ended up to regret it!So, yes, I learned the hard way to listen to my gut.Too many scars ,consequences of me ignoring them, are already pulsing and hurting.My wise friend Tony, when I turn to her for advice,always says:”follow your instict.You can’t be wrong”.From the smallest to the biggest of the issues,and so I try to do! Sometimes successfully,sometimes not.Sometimes the little advising voice is loud and some other times is just a whisper.When it is loud,I well know I have to listen to it.Unfortunately,despite all my idealistic wisdom,I still stumble into my selfish superficiality.I stumble and fall in the vortex of the immediate satisfaction ignoring the only right thing to do:listen faithful to my instinct ,to that taunting ,annoying inner voice that doesn’t give rational explanation but that,if listened to,can avoid mistakes:big or small but both highly regrettable.Sometimes I ignore it with awareness and some other times I don’t.Sometimes I ignore it simply because it doesn’t say what I want to hear; some other times I ignore it simply because I chose to obscure its voice with the noise of my confusion and uncertainty about what to do ,where to go,who to be.The only certain thing is that every time I don’t listen to my instinct I pay the price.
“Errare humanum est, sed perseverare diabolicum”,Seneca used to say.In consideration of that, Monday night I didn’t go to the women moon circle workshop.I had instead a nice vino with my husband, home early for once.It was the right choice and not for the nice red wine I had but, for the fact that the workshop actually never happened.It was so cold that the gate of the building hosting the event was frozen and it couldn’t be open.Work shop cancelled for the day and postponed.
Moral of the story:always listen at your gut.Things will work out fine!