Friday. As the study is still occupied by the travelling husband I am sitting at the kitchen table.Pitch dark outside. Warm lights inside.In few weeks is the first time I feel my life is going back to its routine.The house is immersed in silence.A peaceful pleasant silence .Not one of those silence that makes you feel lonely and must be filled with music or tv.I can have days when I need to fill the rooms with some soundtrack but not today.Today I am enjoying the silence.Today I am enjoying the sound of silence.It is not the taunting darkness old friend but it still a silence within I can speak without talking and hearing without listening.
I am relieved to find some time to write. I have been neglecting my blog and my urge to write all week.Nona was here and she kept me busy with the complicity of my young cousin who came along too.The travelling husband is still house bound and on sick leave but couldn’t resist the instinct to work from home.Mood wise is much better and even his form is improving day after day.For this past week I totally left alone my role of nurse.I wore the tourist guide uniform instead.It was my cousin’s first time in Ireland and, I only had four days to show her around and make her fall in love with beautiful this land.She left more than satisfied and with her own fairy door:I must have done a good job!Now I only have to buy a packet of stamps as I am afraid mama fairy might have to busy herself with interntional correspondence.
It was a very long week but a very pleasant one.Sure, at times, there was some tension between the mother and the son in law:both shuffling from room to room. The first one looking for things to do and clean properly;the second one looking to make the time pass quicker.I kept neutral and concentrate my attention on my cousin.I can honestly say I had a little holidays myself doing all the most touristic of the activities.We took the “hop on hop off “bus in Dublin and had dinner in temple bar. We went to eat fish and chips on the pier and look for seals.We had chai latte and mince pie on the local coffee shop.
Having my young cousin around was a real pleasure.It was also a reminder of how youth can be:naive,wild,hungry for life.I couldn’t not to think at myself at her age. My head was populated by philosophical theory.My mind was mesmerised by the words of Nietzsche,Kant,Saint Augustine.Every day there was a cause to fight for.There were endless discussion about politic and the essence of life.I was a dark and I was a hippy.I was a responsible daughter and student and I was a wild horse with no restrains.Looking at her made me realised how we change over life.My mother often points out how I changed my beliefs and my attitude like she is implying that either I was a fake then or I am a fake now.Sometimes it sounds like an accusation of having betrayed my ideals,my values,my faith in whatever it was.I strongly disagree.I see it in a completely different way:I lived my life,I made experiences,I changed.I would find extremely worrying if the person I am today would reason in the same way than the person i was in my twenties.That,in my opinion,would be a sign of sterile mind.Coherence of the mind is not a virtue.It is a impediment to grow,to adapt,to learn.Situations change and we change.As more we live our life as more we discover new dimensions.When we are young we are monodimensional:world is black or white.Opinion are right or wrong.Values and ideals are unquestionable:no compromises are admitted.Young mind are pure,they don’t leave any room for negotiation.They are passionately naive and this is the way they must be.Adulthood brings with itself a multidimensional horizont.We grow and we discover the grey side of the world.We learn to negotiate and compromise.We learn that opinion are so called because they are not universal.
All this made me think at one of my professor when I was in University .I clearly remember how adamant he was to teach us that everything in life is relative.There is no universal good or bad;no universal right or wrong.The meaning of everything is in the eyes that look at it.There might be rules that humanity had to impose to itself to live in peace and avoid total mayhem.A sort of common ground to avoid chaos but nothing more.We create a common code of conduct to live in a society and avoid a perpetual purge day.I remember at the time I was skeptical to this theory of the relativity of life but, recently, I rediscovered it.Over the years I understood what he meant.With age I learnt that there are multiple ways to look at things and to do things and all are right to the one who chose them.The fact I am right might not make someone else necessary wrong.Prospective is the key word. No human being is the same of some other so why should they naturally and spontaneously think and act in the same way?It doesn’t make sense.No human being can live without evolving so why should we keep thinking today in the same way we were thinking yesterday?That it doesn’t make sense.John Lubbock wisely say that”what we see depends mainly on what we look for”.I couldn’t agree more.
We are in a perpetual state of adjustment Patty Smith sings.This is the essence of our freedom I say.Living a life being coherent with ourselves and our believes is like to freeze ourselves in a specific time of it. It is like denying our mind any form of learning and freedom.
May be life is like a global piece of art : it must not be explained but interpreted.