I had a singing birds wall clock in my kitchen,but it broke few months ago after years and years that it was keeping me company.It was part of the household and, thinking back,there are lots of memories connected to it.When the girls were small they used to come into the kitchen shortly before 7 and wait for the woodpecker to sing .That was the signal it was bed time.If I was lost in my thoughts and jobs the 2 o’clock bird’s chirping reminded me it was school pick up time.The six o’clock one reminded me to hurry up and start getting dinner ready.During the day hearing a chirping here and there it was comforting,familiar and kept me company .I loved my singing birds wall clock and I missed it desperately,the first few days.It already happened once that it stopped working but,it was only in need of new batteries.That time I was desperate to make it sing again.It was like the kitchen had no reason to exist without it.It was part of the house,of my family’s life.Being without the clock would have been like sacrifice a in entire section of my existence .This time is completely different.I am different!
The summer came and we were leaving so I decided to deal with the order of the new clock when back from holidays.We are all back for a while now and the clock has not been reordered yet.To be honest the wall clock is not among my priorities nowadays.May be the fact that Its space on the wall has been occupied by a picture I received for my birthday made me kind of forgetting about it.Not having in front of my eyes an empty space on the wall ,constantly reminding me of it,sure it helps dealing with its absence.The singing birds wall clock came up in a phone conversation with my mother .She has one too and it broke too.Apparently she can’t live without it.It is her company during the day.She feels lonely without it.I must specified that my mother retired two years ago but she is never home anyway.Lets say her local petrol station guy(she refuse to make petrol herself)didn’t notice any decrease in the amount of fuel she buys, even if she doesn’t drive for 50km every day anymore.It is a matter of fact that even our conversation are mainly done while she is driving and she has time to speak,(or she is bored…..who knows).Then she get to her destination and we are done🙄She asked me to order an other clock for herself and was horrified that I didn’t replace mine already.She was actually horrified by my laziness.She always complained about me being one of those person who constantly postpone to do the things they don’t care about.It is true but it also true that if it is not something important where is the urgency?.”The urgency is in having it done and out of your way so that it won’t bother you any longer.”,she would say.”But what if I am not bothered by it at all?”,I would replay.I didn’t really want to go down that road so I just took it and said nothing .Sometimes the best survival policy.Talking about the wall clock with her made me realised that the long work I have done on myself in the recent years left me with an incredible emotionally clean environment around me.I used to be obsessively attached to things.I had an extreme difficult to let go.I suppose in a way everything had an emotional link for me.For instance I was feeling guilty to give away clothes that were sitting in my wardrobe untouched for years just because they were a present from a specific person.Moving house was a torment because the house was the container of my life and memories:where could I possibly find an other one that good?!Then I moved for the first time and the second one and the third one……I am in the house number 7 at the moment,and realised that as much as I love it I would be ok to move again because home is were my family is,is not a building.As my dear friend Abigail once said, I am a “nester”, I can make my own nest everywhere,I just need the materials.Over the years I accumulated so many things that space became a problem.I was in constant need of storages because most of the objects were not even on display.I was not using them anymore.Let’s be honest,some of the stuff, I was so sick to see it around me that I couldn’t even bare the sight of it but, throwing it away,was not an option.Same with clothes:I had jumpers and dresses that I didn’t wear for years and probably didn’t even fit anymore but they were in perfect condition.What a waist to give them away!!!.(I will never stop wondering why the wrong washing machine cycle or that unbeatable oil stain always victimise your favourite outfit and never the unwanted,unworn ones!!!).In most of the cases all these objects were hiding memories or they were a present from someone close to me.The guilt prevented me from getting rid of them.Weather they were clothes or paraphernalia :throwing them away was like wrong doing the person who gave them to me or erasing the memories they were connected to.Insane,I know.But it was all I knew,and guilt has always been a persistent feeling in my life,but this a subject for an other post.Slowly I learned to let go,things emotions,sense of guilt…………First I start to clean my head and then I went through my house.Now it is hard to detect witch big clean comes first but the two of them combined worked,and still do,very well and both my head and my house get the benefits.No more cluttering.If it is not used,if it is stored away then I don’t need it and probably I won’t use it never again.The first baby gown my daughters had on,that is enough to keep as a memory.I don’t need bags of old clothes to remind me they were once my babies.An old tin of biscuits given to me by an old friend is enough,I don’t have to keep all the cute tins arrive into my house.Most important ,my husband won’t get offended if I throw away a worn out jumper he gave me over 20 years ago.It is not that I don’t care anymore .It is not that I don’t appreciate his presents.It is simply a jumper I don’t use anymore and only take space in my wardrobe.Those fantastic silk shirt my mom gave me and that never really fitted me,has no reason to stay in my drawer,someone out there can wear it!I still love ornaments in the house and I have plenty but they are there because I like them,because I choose them,because they reflects my personality and my taste not my sense of obligation,duty,guilt.So,back to the singing birds wall clock now,I am still without it and I am ok.I loved it,I might buy an other one but for the moment I am fine even without it.I don’t have to have it just because it has always been on my kitchen wall and I had a such wonderful time in its company.That time nobody will ever take it away from me.It is just a clock and if I get a new one it will only because I like it and want it not because there is a emotional bundle that traps me in.I don’t need to fill any empty space,neither physically nor emotionally with it.Your house is the mirror of your soul:true.In my day by day life I have always been very organised and methodical ,but only because I need structure to contrast the chaos I had inside.I need to control what I could.My house was the exact reflection of all this:tidy and organised but only because everything had a place.It had to.There was so much of everything that if not stored,it would have taken over.If my head was overcrowded with thoughts and feelings and emotions,my house was overcrowded with objects.All of it well concealed,but there,alienating me.Declutter it came a long painful way but,once I started ,I couldn’t stop.It started from an inside need and soon it came naturally to declutter my outside too.It actually became a necessity because ,the way it was before, it was not making any sense at all .Not anymore.Weather you declutter your house to declutter your head or vice versa ,your final destination will always be the same:Freedom.From what, it is only up to you!