I am still on holidays .
It is early morning and I am on the balcony writing and checking emails,when I start thinking about my old house.
I didn’t think about it for a long time, in fact, I always being that type of person who ,once she takes a decision, doesn’t look back.
Past is past. I am quite good on drawing lines …….
(to speak the truth ,it is also a very good cope mechanism that keep my mental health steady ,but this is an other story.)
The thought of the house comes with a feeling of having left something unfinished.
I moved,I never looked back,I never gave an explanation.
In one sentence:I betrayed my house. My home of many years was discarded with no mercy.
I then decided to write a letter: A letter to my old house.
“Dear old house,
4 years passed since we moved and only now I realised how unfair I have been with you.
Once you were not serving the purpose anymore, we traded you with a new one,a bigger one,a closer one to where we needed to be.
The move didn’t go as smoothly and fast as I hoped so i became impatient to leave,unhappy to stay.
You had nothing to offer anymore and ,may be ,it was true ,but didn’t give me right to forget everything you gave already.
It was not an excuse for being ungrateful .
I forgot the emotions you gave us the first night we slept there,10 years previously ,with no furnitures but as happy as ever. Toasting with champagne sitting on the kitchen floor.
I forgot the feeling when we brought home ,to you ,our first child.
I was so busy organising the move and so excited to move that I never stopped a minute thinking about how you helped building my family,my life .
My family was born inside your walls.
My life, as I know it now, started inside your walls.
I can smell the odours linked to every single memory you witnessed.
I feel a sudden pain in my stomach ,I mistreated you so badly, I need to do something.
I need to make amend.
I need to apologise. I own you that ,because I left and never thank you for all the happiness you gave me and my family.
Dear old house, you were our first home,the place were everything started,and no other house(no matter how bigger or newer) will never be able to replace you in my heart .You will always have a special place in my memories,in our memories.
Hope you will find the way to forgive me,
Your old owner.”